January 20, 2014 § 6 Comments
The dick pic has gotten a lot of bad press, but I believe the times they are a changin’.
According to Aziz Ansari and one of my very adamant co-workers, no woman wants to be sent a dick pic nor do women find dicks attractive. My initial reaction was to disagree with this rather bold blanket statement but I wanted to see if there was actual evidence to support my theory. So I conducted a study — no bullshit, I really did.
I majored in sociology, and as part of this major I was required to take several courses on statistical techniques, data analysis and quantitative research methods. And this, a dick pic study, is the one and only time those skills have ever come into play outside of academia. Who says liberal arts degrees are worthless? (Nope, not today.)
My sample population consists of 32 females whose ages ranged from 22 to 36*. Data was collected by either an emailed survey or phone interview. All subjects were asked the same questions. I analyzed the results and not to be cocky (pun intended) but I think you may find these conclusions interesting. Also for the sake of this post I’ll be shortening dick pic to DP (not to be confused with the other DP).
The primary significant finding was the majority of these women have had one or more positive experiences with a DP, thus disproving the theory that women don’t like DPs. Sure, there were several documented negative experiences, but some men, some noble trailblazers, are getting it right.
I sifted through and drew out the reoccurring themes that I believe to be the deciding factors of a successful DP. Below is a summary of the information, along with a few direct quotes from study participants. Warning: this is going to get intimate.
A Gentlemen’s Guide to Dick Pics
Do you think it’s ok for guys to send DP?
‘I don’t like dick pics. Sorry. Dicks aren’t pretty.’
‘Only if it’s requested.’
‘Yes I think it’s absolutely ok and in fact, I like receiving them.’
‘Fuck yea. I got unlimited texts up in my phone plan.’
Lesson Learned: Know Your Audience
- Some ladies shy away from a little exposure. Others will open your image with delight. Ask yourself, will my special lady treasure this for the gift it is? Will she treat it with the respect it deserves? If yes, then send away my friend. If you aren’t sure then you probably don’t know this woman well enough to be sending her pictures of your dick.
Have you ever appreciated receiving or found a DP attractive?
‘I do think it’s appreciated & I tend to find it attractive when it’s after a little hard core sexting & I know I contributed to it’s hardness, lol, or girth :)’
‘I got one from a guy I had grabbed drinks with and I swear he has like the holy grail of penises so it was practically a marketing tool…like I was not feeling him in a dating way but it was turned around into a hook up situation based on the pic. HOWEVER this can also work the opposite way…there was another guy I hooked up with once and I don’t remember it being all that good and then we would do the long distance drunken texting/sexting…his pic made me not want to come back for seconds’
Lesson Learned: Play Up Your Strong Suits
- I think all men should take pride in their area but in regards to sharing your DPs you need to give yourself an honest evaluation. If you got it, flaunt it. But if you find that your member is not one of your strongest features, consider some alternative options; maybe your lady friend would find a picture of your studly abs or adorable dimples more enticing?
Was there something about the picture that made it more appealing than others?
‘Absolutely! I’ve gotten some real artistic shots and I appreciate them taking the time to be all Godard with it.’
‘More appealing when I knew I had something to do with the making (of the erection). I prefer close up…full body is nice but not when it’s flaccid, that’s just ugly!!’
‘It helps if they clean up their bedroom.’
Lesson Learned: The Rules of a Selfie Apply
- Choose a flattering angle, be conscious of what is in the background and maybe throw on a filter if need be.
During these conversations a few unprompted topics came up. One of which was the time the picture was received.
‘It’s also super weird if I get a pic when I’m sober.’
‘It’s more appreciated after 9 pm. Getting a dick pic when the sun is still out can be alarming. For instance, I was recently playing Hide & Seek with my niece. I had just gotten tucked into this bomb ass hiding spot in my mom’s armoire and all of a sudden “BA DING” goes my text alert (Yes my H & S game needs work and I should’ve silenced my phone). I look and it’s a nice full body dick pic. As I look at it, my niece finds me. Kind of awkward.’
‘If you absolutely cannot resist sending pix of what your slaggin’ they are more appropriate after 9 pm (when my) DVR is played out (as is netflix, hbogo and hulu) (and I’m done) with wine and weed.’
Lesson Learned: Timing is Important
- Women noted feeling troubled or embarrassed by a DP received at a time they considered inconvenient. A few subjects admitted to instances they initially found a DP to be disturbing or ‘gross’ when sent at an inopportune time but when they revisited the same picture in the ideal mood and location, typically their home, the picture was looked upon more favorably. The highest likelihood of a positive reaction was when women received a picture while participating in a back-and-forth sexting conversation.
Is there anything you would suggest to guys that you think would improve their dick pics?
“Flaccid is not ok unless you want to scare women.’
Lesson Learned: Hard > Soft
- The sample as a whole shared the unanimous opinion that hard dicks were preferred over flaccid.
Is there any advice you think guys should know about sending dick pics?
‘Send sparingly, send hard, use good judgement.’
‘Dick pix are gross and weird if you can see the guys face.. and even more gross and weird if he’s smiling in the pix. PERVY!’
‘I learned this from a Lifetime movie about teenagers sexting. The mean girl character was making fun of the good girl who sent out a titty pic. Hello! The number one rule of sexting…neck down, thighs up. no distinguishing marks or tattoos.’
- Use them sparingly in order to maintain their meaning and impact. Also everyone could learn a valuable lesson from Lifetime. If someone is kind enough to send you a wonderful (vulnerable) gift, respect that and respond with courtesy. And above all if you’ve had sexual relations of any kind with a person: be fucking nice. But with that being said, you don’t know a woman until she is mad at you. So as a precaution never include your face or identifying marks / tattoos / etc. Relationships may fade but naked pictures on the internet last forever ever.
Quick & Dirty Cheat Sheet: Should I Send This Dick Pic?
If you answer yes to any of the following. Do not send.
- Are you creepy?
- Be honest, are you even a little bit of a sexual predator?
- Are you sure?
- Do you truly believe this person wants to receive this picture?
- Do you have a nice dick?
- Does this picture flatter your dick?
- Is your face or any other distinguishable trait visible in this picture?
If you passed, send away! Get your dick printed on a flag and wave it from your front porch. Yay dicks!
Can You Keep a Secret?
*Possible sample bias: A purposeful bias but still a bias was these women were chosen within this specific age range because of the increased likelihood of having received a dick pic. These women were also chosen based on convenience and although the sample includes a healthy variation of race, geography and relationship status, it should still be noted. And lastly this is relatively small sample size.