An Open Letter to Justin Bieber
January 29, 2014 § 1 Comment
Justin, Justin, Justin…Biebs.
I am alarmed. I feel like we need to have a heart to heart. All that money and freedom has manifested itself into some pretty unbecoming behavior.
I write this because I am genuinely concerned which I’m sure comes off as a very disingenuous thing to say since I don’t know you personally and I’m not necessarily a fan but hear me out.
I’m sure you’ve worked hard to earn all that wonderful success but what you haven’t earned is the right to act like a fucking douche-bag, well, because no one has that right.
I realize that there wasn’t much of a chance in hell you’d grow up to be a well-balanced individual. You are the product of many collective bad decisions, most of which were not your own. And those oppressive life circumstances left you grasping at mere straws of reality. But you no longer have to worry cause your Auntie Jamie is here for you now.
And because I’m a cool Aunt I understand sometimes getting totally fucked and doing stupid shit is a fun and necessary part of life and that someone in your position has unlimited access to an ungodly amount of really anything and that are you are like, 20, and some would say good looking…
Ya know what? Now that I think about it – you’re fine.
I mean, I’m not saying you don’t seem like a total nightmare. And maybe it’s a flawed depiction but I think it’s pretty safe to assume you are the absolute worst. But you are Justin Bieber for god’s sake!
I won’t sugar coat it, a lot of people are talking shit, like mad shit, but you’ve given the world so much more than it will ever give you. Never forget that. All those haters are just jelly cause they wake up every morning not being Justin Bieber.
So I say lean in. Lean in hard. Throw eggs at your neighbor’s house, it’s practically an act of goodwill on your part to even acknowledge his presence. Party tits out, my lil’ Biebs. Why have a few regrets when you can have multiple? I believe it was Snoop Dogg who put it best when he said, ‘play on playa‘.
Yeah. That’s all I want. That’s all I really want for you.
We’re All No One To Someone: