The Ceiling Can’t Hold Us
March 26, 2013 § 1 Comment
The following is an irrational yet perfectly understandable thought process I had on whether or not marrying for money is a good idea.
I’ve discovered a whole new world that exist while the rest of us our at work. And this world is filled with the most good looking people I’ve ever seen. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit they are truly of a higher caliber than the rest of us (but not you of course)*.
How do I know? Cause I’ve seen them with my own eyes. They can be found strolling through Whole Foods at 2 in the afternoon after just finishing a Vinyasa Flow class, their skin glowing, their asses looking perfectly perky in their see-through Lululemon pants. But how? Why? What do these women do for a living? And how can I become apart of this super hot secret society?
I recently went to a comedy show where the very hilarious comedian, (who I would totally plug here if I could remember her name) dedicated an entire set to marrying rich. I laughed and laughed but I also thought, ‘Holy Shit! She is on to something! These women found a loophole in the system and I here I am drinking the feminism Kool-aid.’
Of course now all of you are looking at me thinking, ‘WTF?! It’s like feminism never happened!’ But its not just women who can marry rich, men can too. So really, WHO’S THE SEXIST ONE NOW? Its not about equality, its about money. Try to keep up here.
I took it upon myself to conduct a sociological study** and after evaluating the material, here is the conclusion I came to: if you marry rich, its true you will have better skin than the rest of us but you will also get bored and have relations with the pool boy which means you will not be getting half of the estate in the divorce. And since most likely at this point in your life, the crazy will outweigh the hot (which is not an ideal ratio for rich husband hunting). The bills will begin to pile up, making it very hard to breathe and finally you will think, ‘Fuck all that noise! I can do this on my own!’*** And ladies and gentlemen that is how feminism started.
Someone once said, “Dance like only a few people are watching and they paid good money to see you and you really need the money.” I think that person was me. But seriously, life is the real luxury.****So get it gurrrlll!!!
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger:
*I mean that.
**In my mind.
***And you would be right.
****Wow, that is deep.