Scooter Girl Of Your Dreams

January 18, 2013 § 6 Comments

I become overly attached to inanimate objects. Which doesn’t mean I dry hump blow-up dolls.* But it does mean that I love things that don’t love me back. I’ll get to the point – today I am saddened because I am selling my beloved scooter (that I rode approximately one time).

If you are fascinated by history then you will love this story. This is a story about how terrible things can happen to perfectly wonderful people. It all started four years ago when I was living in Chicago.

I decided I wanted a scooter more than anything else in the world. And that very same day I found myself at a scooter dealership purchasing a two-tone baby I named, Shirley.

One immediately curious thing you should note here is, I am a terrible driver but I thought since I’d look so god-darn cute riding one the situation would eventually remedy itself.

After the deal was finalized, the salesman gave me a very brieft tutorial on how to drive a scooter. I had never been on one before but he insisted it was a “no-brainer”. So my flipflop wearing ass hopped right on.

I hit the gas but the power and speed spooked me. So what did I do next? What any human would do. I screamed like a bitch and held on tighter.

If you know anything about scooters you’d know that the gas is located on the handlebar. And since its very counterintuitive to let go of something you are deathly afraid of falling off, I proceeded to hold on for dear life, which only caused me to go faster.

Suddenly a parked Mercedes came out of nowhere and I had no choice but to abandon ship. I flew off, sending my scooter skidding along the asphalt stopping only a few inches from the Merc.

In the aftermath, I gave a quick friendly wave to the child inside who had apparently been left, windows cracked, to wait for his parents and retrieved my flipflop from under the vehicle. Shirley on the other hand went straight to the shop.

A super sweet bonus to all this, was a rather large rug burn up my thigh.

Not long after, Shirley was back in action. Good as new. Only I was still in full wuss mode. But believing this was temporary I had my sweet baby Shirley shipped with me for the move to Cali.

Now four years later, its pretty clear I’m not going to be coming around anytime soon. So its time to say good-bye. Good-bye Shirley, remember that one time? Yeah, good times.

Perhaps I’m a dreamer but I had some romantic notion that one day I’d take Shirley out for a spin and die.

But I guess that’s just not my destiny.

If You Love Something Set It Free:









*I can not believe you clicked on that link, pervert.

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§ 6 Responses to Scooter Girl Of Your Dreams

  • Helen says:

    I have always wanted a scooter, this lot definitely make it look cool

    Please come by and check out my latest post :)



  • Kate Funk says:

    One time I got in a car accident and couldn’t process that I was hitting a car in time to hit the break and I accidentally hit the gas again and ended up totaling my car because I hit the car twice. So DUMB. But I still unfortunately drive. I say give it one more go! I haven’t been in an accident since and that was years ago! But if not, I’m sorry for you loss. I hope Shirley finds a great new home!


  • christie says:

    very nice

    i just posted a new outfit of the day. I would really love it if you check it out and tell me what you think!

    i would also appreciate it if you follow my blog too!

  • Ajda from Asilosofy says:

    Cool photos!

    Thank you for visiting my blog!

  • justjaslin says:

    Don’t be upset about it dear! And I love the scooter pictures you shared. I hope you’re fine now and not injured in the accident!

    Kisses from Singapore
    ♡ Jaslin from

  • katrina says:

    Glad to hear you’re ok! That’s actually really scary and it’s so good to hear that you weren’t severely hurt beyond the rug burn (although that sounds really painful too).

    My friend had a similar experience when we rented scooters for the first time. Being the cautious wimp that I usually am, I rode very slowly around the roads for the entire trip while the rest of my friends looked like they were having awesome time speeding between the alley ways of a city. One of my friends wasn’t so lucky and ended up skidding on a camouflaged seed dump and skid on the floor pretty bad to the point where his leather belt broke in half from being scraped on the asphalt. Luckily he was wearing a helmet and wasn’t badly hurt beyond scraping his hands, elbows, and knees. Still, it was a scary enough experience to make a couple of us who went scooting to not go again for a while…

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