2013, Pinky Swear You’ll Be Good To Me

December 31, 2012 § Leave a comment

Its that time of the year to pop, fizz, clink and kiss 2012 good-bye.

Have a brilliant New Years, you bastards! See you in 2013, xo

I Want To Kiss Your Face, But Only At Midnight:

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Save Water Drink Champagne

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Make Way For the New

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Cheers, Bitches!

December 24, 2012 § 2 Comments

Happy holidays, my loves! I hope yours is truly mind-blowing! xoxo

The Best Way To Spread Holiday Cheer Is Singing Loud For All To Hear:

Mean Girls Christmas


Love That Powder

December 21, 2012 § 1 Comment

I’m calling an official Snow Day!  So don’t bother going into work and/or school.

I’ll be heading up to the mountains for a long overdue snowboarding session. Hope to see you there. But if not, I hope you have a lovely weekend whatever you do! xoxo

Ah Ski Ski, God Damn:

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Lost in the Snow

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Couple Kissing in the snow

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F*ck This, I’ll Be a Stripper

December 18, 2012 § 1 Comment

My New Year’s resolution this year (and every year) is to get a hot bod. And I swear to god this year its actually going to happen.

When I’m trying to save calories I typically replace wine with a roofie over some splenda, ice and diet tonic water.

I also, try to workout. Which is why I decided to take my first pole dancing class. Initially I had my reservations. It seemed like it would just be a lot of rolling around on the ground getting bruises on my hips. But it turns out its actually super-fun swinging around that pole. So this year I’m adding on a few more items to my New Year’s Resolution list:

  • Become an expert at pole dancing
  • Make a friend who has a stripper pole

You Never Know When It Could Save Your Life:

Pole Dancer Splits

Spiderman Kiss

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Pole Dancer

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Audrey Hepburn

Jamie’s Workout Mix

Step Away From The Gift Card

December 17, 2012 § 1 Comment

Buying gifts is hard work. But not to worry my loves, I’m here to help!

If Anyone Gives Me Food as a Gift, I’ll Be Pissed:

Heart Clips Ban.doI Heart These Clips

ASOS Cat HeadbandThis Cat Eared Headband is Too Precious!

heroincocaine_mediumHeroin & Cocaine Shakers

Best Friend Iphone CasesBFF Iphone Cases

Graffiti Martini ShakerGraffiti Spray Can Martini Shaker

Go To The Gym Pillow

Druzy Ring

I Need This Reminder Pillow

brass mirrorBrass Mirror

SIN The Gluttony Collection Porcelain Sugar ConePorcelain Sugar Cone Cups

Double Trouble HeadwrapDouble Trouble Head Wrap

Izola Flask Flask – Always a Good Idea

Couch Arm WrapCouch Arm Wrap

Anchors Aweigh Ship Wheel Tea InfuserAnchors Aweigh Tea Infuser

It’s In The Bag

December 12, 2012 § Leave a comment

Tis’ the season to downsize that purse of yours. I stumbled upon a few super-fun clutches that just might be perfect for this year’s round of holiday parties. You can thank me later!

Hold Me Close:HM Candy ClutchHM Candy Clutch

H&M Candy Wrapper Clutch – Freakin’ Sweet

DVD Clutch

Fast Forward Clutch

Pause. Rewind. What’s that you say a VHS Clutch? Yup. See how to DIY here

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Kate Spade Book Clutch – Too Cool For School
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Pink Snow Globe Clutch aka Entertainment for HoursDomino Purse

Domino Pandora Clutch – Game on Bitches

Jil Sander Leather Paper Bag

Looking for something a bit more chic to hold your 40? Try this stamped Bodega Bag ($140 – yes, really) P.S. This bag is stupid.

Magazine Clutch

This clutch is made from recycled magazines. Upside – its green. Downside: people may assume you are taking a #2 every time you enter a restroom, purse in hand.

Hair of The Dog

December 10, 2012 § 1 Comment

You ever wake up soul-less? My answer? All the time. And my first thought is always, maybe I should go back to the bar and ask the bartender if anyone turned it in. And as long as he’s back there searching through this make believe lost and found, could he also look for my self respect, virginity and about a dozen old credit cards.

But then I think – F*ck it, I’ll just grab a coconut water and eat myself to death while watching endless episodes of Kitchen Nightmares.

You know how it goes, one minute your downing shots of Jameson and the next minute your pulling the whole ‘puke and roll’ move. Rough night. But what’s really rough is the next day. And I’ve been hungover enough to know what places to avoid at all costs.

Jamie’s Guide of Places to Avoid While Hungover

  • Kenny Chesney Concert or really, any country music concert
  • Six Flags Magic Mountain
  • Any form of public transportation
  • Christmas shopping
  • Helping a friend move
  • A party bus
  • Coachella
  • Any place of worship
  • An AA Meeting
  • Trader Joe’s on a Sunday

Also…

Jamie’s List of The Worst Places To Vomit

  • A secret hiding place – because the non-drunk version of yourself will eventually find it
  • In your car – no amount of interior detailing is detailed enough, you’ll be stuck enjoying the faint smell of vomit for the next 6 to 12 months
  • On public transportation during rush hour – its enough shame to last a lifetime
  • At your company’s holiday party
  • Into your own lungs

I Puke Glitter:

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Hungover

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Hungover Dog

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The Hangover Zach Galifianakis

Where Am I?

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