November 5, 2013 § 15 Comments
You ever find yourself smoking cigarettes (when you’re a non-smoker) and drinking an entire bottle of wine by yourself at 2AM on a school night?
Yeah, me neither…
As you may or may not have noticed I haven’t been writing lately. I’m in a bit of what you might call a rut, if you are one of those people who correctly identifies things, like ruts. But this wine is starting to taste like I’m getting drunk, so here goes.
(please lower your expectations)
Sometimes, mostly at 3PM when I need a nap and / or hug, I want to give up on this whole writing pursuit. There are parts of me that want to fail. Maybe I’m just dehydrated. Either way, I think to myself ‘I can’t do this‘ and when I’m seconds away from calling it quits that’s when I get my biggest idea.
That’s how it goes. We’re always flip flopping. I say, “we” because I’m assuming you guys are like me. I mean you must be. Cause you’re here and I’m here. Which means we’re in this together. Right?
I don’t know the source of my self diagnosed writer’s block but they say everything passes with time (except of course for emotional and physical scars – those stay forever) but everything else apparently passes. So at night when my brain refuses to give me the silent treatment and insists on keeping me up. I’ll lie there with my eyes shut and pretend to sleep.
Eventually I do.
Which is maybe a long winded way of saying, fake it till you make it.
All of us are doing our best to navigate through the shit. Fighting the good fight. We’re all moving towards something, passing each other, merging, falling behind, crashing, burning, speeding to catch up…and sometimes it feels like we’ll never get there. It’s exhausting. I mean, are we just suppose to keep going on and on like this?!
Oh we are. Ok.
Well if that’s the case then I guess I’m going to keep on writing until I figure out what it is I’m trying to say. For now, that is enough.
To quote everyone and no one in particular, ‘All this arbitrary bullshit means something’. I think it does. I hope it does. It has to.
Whatever. Even if it doesn’t there is no escape from being human. From feeling whatever it is you’re feeling. And here’s what I have to say about that; there will be times you’ll be the smartest person in the room and times you’ll struggle to follow the conversation. And for every time you feel pretty, you will feel ugly. The same goes for every other feeling in existence. It’s the ebb and flow of the world. It’s nature’s way of keeping our ego in check. Accept it.
So if I could, I’d like to suggest a small exercise in human compassion or I guess you could call it advice: Live your life and acknowledge that others are doing the same. Feel something personal towards people you barely know or better yet, strangers. Be warm and open even when you don’t feel like it. Use hippie phrases like, ‘putting yourself out there’. Meditate. Be present.
Try and fail. Pretend to be ok with it. Be ok with it. Try again.
It may be worth it. It may not be. It’s one of those things you can never be sure of. But if you never let it get ugly, you’ll never know.
We Attack At Dawn:
Almost 5 minutes? What Am I a Psycho? I Know, I Know. But I Like It, So I’m Sharing: