Cowboy Boots n’ Big Hair

July 12, 2013 § 1 Comment

I just got back from visiting Nashville for the first time. And let me tell you, that city is chaos. Every bar has an obnoxious over the top theme and is filled with drunk dudes wearing pants that are too tight alongside drunk girls wearing too much hairspray. The loud karaoke country music is unavoidable. Every time you turn around someone is handing you a shot of you whiskey and screaming ‘Merica. Drink till you fall down seems to be the city’s motto. It’s awesome.

How come ya’ll* never told me Nashville was so freakin’ sweet? And now I’m into big hair (actually I’ve always loved big hair) but now I’m into the big hair cowboy boots combo.

If you are thinking you are too ‘this coast’ or ‘that coast’ to be caught dead as a Taylor Swift look-a-like. Well then you have to ask yourself, what is life if not one big country song?** So never say never. That’s what fivel*** taught us.

It’s time for all of us to discover our hair’s full potential.

Tease It Up:

Big Hair

Lana Del Rey Big Hair

Hair and boots

Big Hair

shorts and cowboy boots

Cowboy boots jean shorts

Model with big hair

Cowboy boots

Sparkly dress with boots

lace dress cowboy boots

*I’ll now be including ya’ll into my vocabulary.

**Yeah I don’t know what that means either.

***Fivel is a young Russian mouse who starred in American Tale. He gets separated from his family and must find them while trying to survive in a new country. It’s great if you are 8 years old or probably even better if you are high as an adult. Not that I would know because I took D.A.R.E.

It’s The Freakin Weekend

May 17, 2013 § 3 Comments

Weekend Playdate

Hungover Sunday
Just thought I’d throw out some suggestions for your weekend. The second choice is better for those of you (like myself) who are anticipating being hungover at some point. Enjoy!
As always, I’ll miss you! XOXO

Item Of The Day: Sulking With Hair In Your Face

January 31, 2013 § 5 Comments

I see a lot of blogs with the title “Item Of The Day” and I like to follow the cool kids. I guess, ‘sulking with hair in your face’, isn’t technically an item. Maybe I should have said, ‘Item of the day: Hair Ties’ but that seemed confusing since the theme is more the lack of hair ties? I’m still working on this whole blog writing thing.

Somebody Please Get Me A Hair Tie, I’m Too Sad To Get One Myself:

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Scooter Girl Of Your Dreams

January 18, 2013 § 6 Comments

I become overly attached to inanimate objects. Which doesn’t mean I dry hump blow-up dolls.* But it does mean that I love things that don’t love me back. I’ll get to the point – today I am saddened because I am selling my beloved scooter (that I rode approximately one time).

If you are fascinated by history then you will love this story. This is a story about how terrible things can happen to perfectly wonderful people. It all started four years ago when I was living in Chicago.

I decided I wanted a scooter more than anything else in the world. And that very same day I found myself at a scooter dealership purchasing a two-tone baby I named, Shirley.

One immediately curious thing you should note here is, I am a terrible driver but I thought since I’d look so god-darn cute riding one the situation would eventually remedy itself.

After the deal was finalized, the salesman gave me a very brieft tutorial on how to drive a scooter. I had never been on one before but he insisted it was a “no-brainer”. So my flipflop wearing ass hopped right on.

I hit the gas but the power and speed spooked me. So what did I do next? What any human would do. I screamed like a bitch and held on tighter.

If you know anything about scooters you’d know that the gas is located on the handlebar. And since its very counterintuitive to let go of something you are deathly afraid of falling off, I proceeded to hold on for dear life, which only caused me to go faster.

Suddenly a parked Mercedes came out of nowhere and I had no choice but to abandon ship. I flew off, sending my scooter skidding along the asphalt stopping only a few inches from the Merc.

In the aftermath, I gave a quick friendly wave to the child inside who had apparently been left, windows cracked, to wait for his parents and retrieved my flipflop from under the vehicle. Shirley on the other hand went straight to the shop.

A super sweet bonus to all this, was a rather large rug burn up my thigh.

Not long after, Shirley was back in action. Good as new. Only I was still in full wuss mode. But believing this was temporary I had my sweet baby Shirley shipped with me for the move to Cali.

Now four years later, its pretty clear I’m not going to be coming around anytime soon. So its time to say good-bye. Good-bye Shirley, remember that one time? Yeah, good times.

Perhaps I’m a dreamer but I had some romantic notion that one day I’d take Shirley out for a spin and die.

But I guess that’s just not my destiny.

If You Love Something Set It Free:

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*I can not believe you clicked on that link, pervert.

Attention Readers

January 16, 2013 § 4 Comments

Right now, I’m really into:

Yelling!*

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*I refuse to write in all caps, cause that shit is obnoxious.

I Have Feelings And I Don’t Like It

January 14, 2013 § 3 Comments

Pass the Gatorade and the self judgement. Depending on how much and what kind of drinks I’ve had the night before occassionally I’ll wake up with what I call an ’emotional hangover’.

An emotional hangover, is accompanied by all the traditional symptoms of a hangover only with feelings bitch slapping you in the face.

Why is my mind seeking revenge on me? Why does it want to spend the day emotionally manipulating me?

My mind begins circulating random thoughts, fretting about things that may or may not have happened. I’m fairly certain I’ve aged 10 years over one night. The fact that I cry during any movie where someone achieves something, doesn’t make me a psychopath. Or does it? I don’t understand why I’m not constantly being congratulated for living.

Then I just decide I’ll live the rest of my life tucked under my blankets listening to emo tracks on repeat.

I refuse to leave the house until I feel like a person.

Only Bra-less Couch Sitting Can Cure Me:

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Somebody That I Used To Know

January 3, 2013 § 2 Comments

A friend of mine recently threw a dinner party where not only one but two of her ex’s were in attendance. The only thing I could reason was, that sneaky little hooker must be planning some sort of ambush or at the very least an intervention. All night I waited for the drama to unfold. Only it didn’t. I was mildy disgusted at how smoothly the whole thing went.

For the most part I try not to stay in contact with anyone whose ever broken my heart. It’s kind of a rule of mine. Thinking back on those moments together gives me an overall sense of ickiness I can only really compare to walking through spiderwebs.

I just don’t see the point in keeping friendships like that. My thought is, if you can stay friends with an ex; either you aren’t really friends or that’s all you ever were. It took me a long time but I finally realized some bridges are worth burning. It was a different life. A different me.

Sure I can say, I’m glad it all happened. I learned a very valuable lesson from the countless hours I spent giving a f*ck but we all know that’s bullshit. If I could completely erase every memory, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second. I’m not that sentimental.

Good Luck With Your Face:

Erase Memory

Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson

Will Arnett

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Bore Me More

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake

Oscar Wilde

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We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve

Adele

Love That Powder

December 21, 2012 § 1 Comment

I’m calling an official Snow Day!  So don’t bother going into work and/or school.

I’ll be heading up to the mountains for a long overdue snowboarding session. Hope to see you there. But if not, I hope you have a lovely weekend whatever you do! xoxo

Ah Ski Ski, God Damn:

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Lost in the Snow

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Couple Kissing in the snow

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