Get In The Van

June 11, 2014 § 2 Comments

And now, for some things:

The Jung’s & Myers-Briggs Type Indicator: do yourself a favor and take this QUIZ. It’s great. It’s insanely accurate. A grown-up told me. But also, I took it. I am an ENFP

Let the record show – I’m a fucking champion. *Licks finger, holds it against butt, makes sizzling sound*

Case in point:

Psychologist David Keirsey identifies ENFPs as “Champions,” which he suggests are rather rare. “Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out,” Keirsey suggests. “And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions.” In addition to having an abundance of enthusiasm, they also genuinely care about others. 

Go onnnnn  *bats eyelashes excessively*

While they are great at generating new ideas…not seeing them through to completion is a common problem. ENFPs can also become easily distracted.

You sir, should have stopped at champion. But I have to admit, it’s so on point it’s freakin’ me out. Whoever is in charge of ADD meds please mail my ration asap.

And now you – do it.

Next:

I love a good commencement speech! I love the thought of fresh grads stepping out into the world with their dewy faces and twinkling eyes. Before the panic sets in, before everything good is laced with the promise of pain. When they are still full of faith and determination that they will, someday, get to live their truths. It just fills my heart, ya know?

I guess I’ll throw in some advice for any new grads while I’m here – Treat day-to-day decisions with respect. They mean something. Nothing is isolated. They accumulate and build exponentially. They will transform you. They can lead to something great or they can cost you dearly but either way – they matter. Those seemingly insignificant moments add up to a lifetime. Your lifetime. Remember that. Pay attention to your choices. Pay attention to your life. Time is the only currency worth worshipping.

And Lastly: This Goat with Sweet-Ass Parkour Moves

Sick to Death of Looking at Pretty:

Draw on face / inspiration lush

glitter scabs

Bruises / Smokes / Inspiration lush

Purple Mouth / Inspiration lush

Bruises / Abuse / Inspiration lush

strange photography

laying in middle of street

Finger down throat

Dinosaur lipstick

Once Upon a Tom Cruise

May 30, 2014 § 2 Comments

Tom Cruise Wants To Go On a Date With You, He Isn’t Your Type But He Wins You Over With His Charm

"Risky Business" (1983) Tom Cruise Photo Credit: Shootign Star Archives

Tom Cruise Makes You Laugh, You Try Not To Get Attached But You Can’t Help It, There’s Just Something About Him

Risky Business Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Makes You Feel Like Maybe This Love Thing Isn’t All BS

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Gives You Butterflies, Starts to Make You Feel Whole

Tom Cruise Handsome

Tom Cruise Introduces You as His Girlfriend

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Suddenly Grows Distant, Stops Asking You How Your Day Was

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Gets Easily Agitated, Starts Being Critical of Your Outfits

Jealous Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Starts Picking Fights For No Reason

Tom Cruise Jack Reacher

Tom Cruise Comes Home Late and is Dismissive When You Ask Where He’s Been

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Says, It’s Over, Asks You to Leave, Says There is Nothing Left to Say

Tom Cruise - Hand in your face

Tom Cruise Misses You, Thinks About What He Could Have Done Differently

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Regrets What He Said, Wants You Back Now

Tom Cruise Crying

Tom Cruise Doesn’t Know How To Live Without You

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Tom Cruise Asks Dustin Hoffman How To Win You Back

Rainman / Tom Cruise / Dustin Hoffman

 Hoffman Thinks Maybe a New Hair Style Will Work

Tom Cruise Bad Hair

Tom Cruise Likes All Your Posts in Hopes He’ll Get Your Attention

Tom Cruise Top Gun

Tom Cruise Says, Baby, I’m Sorry, Just Give Me a Chance to Make this Right. I Can Make This Right.

Tom Cruise

 Tom Cruise Seems Different This Time Around

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Will Never Take You For Granted Again

Tom Cruise

Tom Cruise Stretches Before He Enters You

Tom Cruise Flexible

Tom Cruise Is Now The Father of Your Babies, He’s Such a Good Dad

Tom Cruise and Suri

The End. TOM CRUISE FOR-EVA EVA AFTER

Tom Cruise

 

What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Sadder

May 16, 2014 § 1 Comment

Warning: Fuckkkkk…this is depressing. This guy will break your heart. But it’s that special kind of sad, the kind you’d pay $11.25 at a movie theater to experience.

This guy…this guy, he makes you want to set out on a mission to find every person whose ever hurt him, every person whose even looked at him the wrong way and hold them hostage, forcing them to curl up next to him and gently pet his hair while whispering, ‘hey, but at least we have each other’ until he feels better. Until he’s ok and snaps out of it. Until he wants to sign up for a triathlon, get some fro-yo and then maybe go for a sunset bike ride. Sheesh, this guy…

Or maybe it’s just me?

And also, Happy Friday, m’loves :)

 Stuck in a Circle Jerk of Feelings:

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http://declaringwar.tumblr.com/

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http://declaringwar.tumblr.com/

http://declaringwar.tumblr.com/

Find more poems here

My Superbowl Predictions

January 31, 2014 § 1 Comment

I’m super excited for Sunday! I don’t actually give a shit about the football part I’m just excited for the day drinking! I support any and all causes that make getting drunk before noon socially acceptable. I also support anything that is supremely popular because I don’t like to be left out.

Now for my Superbowl Sunday predictions:

I predict that Peyton’s brother, Eli, will start drinking a little too fast early on in the day and he’ll start annoying everyone by sticking that giant foam, We’re #1, finger in people’s faces. And one of Peyton’s friends will be like, ‘yo, cut it out!’ and Eli will be like, ‘easy breezy dude, just trying to have a good time’ but he’ll really be thinking, ‘who the fuck brought this guy?‘ and then slowly but surely Eli will get way too drunk like he always does. And Eli won’t even care or apologize to Cooper (Peyton’s youngest brother) who will have to miss the last quarter of the game to look after him when he gets sick.

And then Cooper will tell Peyton what happened and when Peyton brings it up to Eli, Eli will be like, ‘sorry man‘ but it won’t be a real apology because Eli never owns up to anything. And Peyton will feel like Eli doesn’t truly support him but he’ll choose to just drop it because no one, not even Eli, is going to ruin his special day.

And then months will pass and it’ll seem like Peyton and Eli are totally cool but then on Thanksgiving it’ll come up again. And this time it’s in front of pop-pop, who hates it when the boys fight. And Eli will try to avoid the issue by making Peyton seem petty. He’ll say something like, ‘oh, here we go again Peyton, let’s hear it’.

And Peyton will be so frustrated he’ll shut himself in the bathroom because he just needs a moment to himself and he’ll cry a little and Peyton hardly ever cries. And Eli will hear him and know on some level, deep down, he really is sorry but he doesn’t know how to say it. Then Peyton will pull himself together and head back to the table without another word because he just wants to have a nice Thanksgiving dinner like a normal family.

Years later Eli will work through his issues with a therapist and in a joint session between him and Peyton he’ll finally apologize and this time he’ll mean it.

We’re On Each Other’s Team

Peyton Manning / Eli Manning

Peyton and Eli Manning

Archie Peyton Eli Manning

Peyton and Eli Manning

Eli Manning Peyton Manning

Peyton Cooper and Eli Manning Old Photo

An Open Letter to Justin Bieber

January 29, 2014 § 1 Comment

Dear Justin,

Justin, Justin, Justin…Biebs.

I am alarmed. I feel like we need to have a heart to heart. All that money and freedom has manifested itself into some pretty unbecoming behavior.

I write this because I am genuinely concerned which I’m sure comes off as a very disingenuous thing to say since I don’t know you personally and I’m not necessarily a fan but hear me out.

I’m sure you’ve worked hard to earn all that wonderful success but what you haven’t earned is the right to act like a fucking douche-bag, well, because no one has that right.

I realize that there wasn’t much of a chance in hell you’d grow up to be a well-balanced individual. You are the product of many collective bad decisions, most of which were not your own. And those oppressive life circumstances left you grasping at mere straws of reality. But you no longer have to worry cause your Auntie Jamie is here for you now.

And because I’m a cool Aunt I understand sometimes getting totally fucked and doing stupid shit is a fun and necessary part of life and that someone in your position has unlimited access to an ungodly amount of really anything and that are you are like, 20, and some would say good looking…

Ya know what? Now that I think about it – you’re fine.

Fuck it.

I mean, I’m not saying you don’t seem like a total nightmare. And maybe it’s a flawed depiction but I think it’s pretty safe to assume you are the absolute worst. But you are Justin Bieber for god’s sake!

I won’t sugar coat it, a lot of people are talking shit, like mad shit, but you’ve given the world so much more than it will ever give you. Never forget that. All those haters are just jelly cause they wake up every morning not being Justin Bieber. 

So I say lean in. Lean in hard. Throw eggs at your neighbor’s house, it’s practically an act of goodwill on your part to even acknowledge his presence. Party tits out, my lil’ Biebs. Why have a few regrets when you can have multiple? I believe it was Snoop Dogg who put it best when he said, ‘play on playa‘.

Yeah. That’s all I want. That’s all I really want for you.

Love Always,

Auntie Jamie

We’re All No One To Someone:

Justin Bieber Forbes

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber Adidas

Justin Bieber Photoshoot

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber

I Wanna Get To Know You

April 30, 2013 § 3 Comments

But I don’t want to talk to you. So luckily there are other ways.

You can tell a lot about a person by:

  • How they react after clogging the toilet during a social gathering
  • What they decide to send you in response to your ‘send me a pic’ text
  • Following them home and watching them sleep
  • Their favorite Disney movie
  • Going through their phone, computer and stool
  • The title of their memoir
  • How they share their 3AM Taco Bell order
  • Questioning them during tickle torture
  • Their Netflix cue, Pandora stations and Twitter feed
  • How often they check their phone
  • The first thing that comes to their mind when you say, ‘facial’

Glitter, Blackouts & Force-Hugs:*

Cover Your Eyes

Eye See You

Refreshed

Jeremy Renner

Disney Movies

Drawing on face passed out

Show Me Your Muscles

Free Falling

Smoking

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I See You

Street Sign High Five

*My memoir’s working title

These Hips Don’t Lie

March 29, 2013 § 2 Comments

If ‘adorkable’ gets to be a word, then fine so be it. But then I get to say something, not something important really, just something.

Don’t you just love and miss Elvis??

I do.

When I was young, I was obsessed. I was Elvis for several Halloweens. It was truly ‘adorkable’. You can be Elvis in so many different ways, it never gets old or repetitive.  My mother, who is wonderful and very Southern, took me to Graceland because she knew just how deep that love ran. That’s love.*

So show some respect. Let’s take this Friday to ohhh an’ ahhh over these pics. Yay, Elvis!!

Rock n’ Roll, Loves, Rock n’ Roll:

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*Thanks mama :)

The Ceiling Can’t Hold Us

March 26, 2013 § 1 Comment

The following is an irrational yet perfectly understandable thought process I had on whether or not marrying for money is a good idea.

I’ve discovered a whole new world that exist while the rest of us our at work. And this world is filled with the most good looking people I’ve ever seen. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit they are truly of a higher caliber than the rest of us (but not you of course)*.

How do I know? Cause I’ve seen them with my own eyes. They can be found strolling through Whole Foods at 2 in the afternoon after just finishing a Vinyasa Flow class, their skin glowing, their asses looking perfectly perky in their see-through Lululemon pants. But how? Why? What do these women do for a living? And how can I become apart of this super hot secret society?

I recently went to a comedy show where the very hilarious comedian, (who I would totally plug here if I could remember her name) dedicated an entire set to marrying rich. I laughed and laughed but I also thought, ‘Holy Shit! She is on to something! These women found a loophole in the system and I here I am drinking the feminism Kool-aid.’

Of course now all of you are looking at me thinking, ‘WTF?! It’s like feminism never happened!’ But its not just women who can marry rich, men can too. So really, WHO’S THE SEXIST ONE NOW? Its not about equality, its about money. Try to keep up here.

I took it upon myself to conduct a sociological study** and after evaluating the material, here is the conclusion I came to: if you marry rich, its true you will have better skin than the rest of us but you will also get bored and have relations with the pool boy which means you will not be getting half of the estate in the divorce. And since most likely at this point in your life, the crazy will outweigh the hot (which is not an ideal ratio for rich husband hunting). The bills will begin to pile up, making it very hard to breathe and finally you will think, ‘Fuck all that noise! I can do this on my own!’*** And ladies and gentlemen that is how feminism started.

Someone once said, “Dance like only a few people are watching and they paid good money to see you and you really need the money.” I think that person was me. But seriously, life is the real luxury.****So get it gurrrlll!!!

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger:

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This blog posts a picture every 37 minutes.It’s about the Good Life: Fashion, Money, Riches, Lifestyle.My name is Emil Anton, I am the author of this blog and I invite you to discover it.http:emilanton.tumblr.com ~ Welcome to the Good Life !

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*I mean that.

**In my mind.

***And you would be right.

****Wow, that is deep.

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