February 12, 2013 § 1 Comment
I’ve come to realize that a good deal of my posts make some kind of reference to alcohol in the excess. So I decided to set a few goals for myself this weekend.
Which Are As Follows:
- I will not walk home diagonally
- I will not scream out, “God Damn! This is my JAMMM!’
- I will not be the baddest bitch in this place with purple teeth
- I will hydrate with liquids that do not contain alcohol
- I will not eat the shit out of very average tasting nachos at 3AM and declare that they are the “most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted!”
- I will not use my rape whistle, pepper spray and karate skills recreationally
February 8, 2013 § Leave a comment
- There are 3 questions I ask myself every time I get dressed: Does this outfit make me look like an alcoholic? If I fall down is there a chance my lady parts will be exposed? And the ever classic – is my fatness showing?
- I don’t hold grudges. I just hate you for what you did.
- How come whenever you see a picture or drawing of a mermaid she is super hot? It seems unrealistic that all mermaids are really good looking. Most likely a lot of them are just average and I’m sure at least a few are pretty white trashy.
- The jig is up. I’ll admit it, I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about.
- I am a hugger who force-hugs non-huggers.
Wake Me When I’m Famous: