I Should Prob Run For Office Now

February 12, 2013 § 1 Comment

I’ve come to realize that a good deal of my posts make some kind of reference to alcohol in the excess. So I decided to set a few goals for myself this weekend.

Which Are As Follows:

  • I will not walk home diagonally
  • I will not scream out, “God Damn! This is my JAMMM!’
  • I will not be the baddest bitch in this place with purple teeth
  • I will hydrate with liquids that do not contain alcohol
  • I will not eat the shit out of very average tasting nachos at 3AM and declare that they are the “most delicious thing I’ve ever tasted!”
  • I will not use my rape whistle, pepper spray and karate skills recreationally

Lady-Like:

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5 Random Things I Feel Like Saying

February 8, 2013 § Leave a comment

  1. There are 3 questions I ask myself every time I get dressed: Does this outfit make me look like an alcoholic? If I fall down is there a chance my lady parts will be exposed? And the ever classic – is my fatness showing?
  2. I don’t hold grudges. I just hate you for what you did. 
  3. How come whenever you see a picture or drawing of a mermaid she is super hot? It seems unrealistic that all mermaids are really good looking. Most likely a lot of them are just average and I’m sure at least a few are pretty white trashy.  
  4. The jig is up. I’ll admit it, I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about. 
  5. I am a hugger who force-hugs non-huggers.

Wake Me When I’m Famous:

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