Unabomber Chic

November 30, 2012 § Leave a comment

I’ve been under the weather all week. Which makes me want to wear a giant sweatshirt, curl up in a ball and whine at someone. That, plus the fact that LA’s been overcast and rainy, makes venturing out of the house seem extremely unappealing. Unfortunately at some point I’ll be forced to face the world and when that time comes I’ll most likely be rocking the unabomber look – hood up, sunglasses on. But if that’s not your thing, here are a few other sweater weather suggestions.

Baby It’s Cold Outside:

I’m Searching For A Real Love, Baby

November 28, 2012 § 1 Comment

I have something to tell you but promise you won’t hate me…

I really don’t love The Notebook. Or anything else by Nicholas Sparks. And also, the majority of rom-com’s. I know, I’m sorry. But if someone wrote me a letter every day I might think it was cute for about a month but after that I would just think, ‘needy.’

I’m not a cynic. I LOVE love but sometimes I think rom-com’s give people the wrong idea. I don’t need a grand gesture, I just need you to buy me things and tell me I’m pretty. And if that doesn’t work – go away, stalker. Let me give you the breakdown of every romantic comedy that has ever existed.

Spolier Alert: Boy meets girl, girl falls in love with boy, boy does something stupid, boy makes grand romantic gesture, all is forgiven and the two live happily ever after. Which is great for entertainment value and there are a lot of romantic comedies I love but kind of like communism, sometimes things don’t quite play out the same in reality.

RomCom vs. Reality

  • Quirky is Cute – Quirky has the lifespan of about 3 months before it transforms into psycho ex-girlfriend
  • Persistance Pays Off – If you show up at my doorstep one more time, I’m going to sleep with your dad just to prove my point
  • Public Displays of Affection – If my boyfriend did a dance number in front of my entire school, I would congratulate him on coming out
  • Grand Gestures – If my name ever ends up on a kiss-cam, I won’t think twice about sending a mass email with that naked picture of you

Real Love Is Getting Matching Tattoos:

Workin’ the (Department Store) Corner

November 28, 2012 § 1 Comment

It’s hard out there for a perfume sample girl. I know this because for a short period in high school I was one. Don’t think we can’t see you as you cut from the walkway into the clothing rack maze in an attempt to avoid us. Do you know what that does to a girl’s self esteem? What I’m trying to say is – perfume sample girls are people too.

Although mostly mean people. On my first day one of the more experienced girls told me that her territory was, ‘everything from women’s shoes to the Clinque makeup counter.’ It’s no joke, those bitches will accidentally spray perfume in your face if you even think about working their corner.

The takeaway lesson here is: just take that skinny piece of smelly paper and go about your day. Also, try everything in your power to not work as a perfume spray girl.

Spray It To My Face:

Sloppy Seconds

November 27, 2012 § Leave a comment

Whenever I am about to listen to a cover song I approach the situation as I do everything else – I don’t like it, until I like it. Cover songs get a bad rap but here are a few that are panda approved.

Good Job at Not Sucking:

Sparkles and Pretending

November 26, 2012 § Leave a comment

I love the holidays because I love spending time with my family. Which also means I hate it when they leave. I tend to get a lil’ mopey in the aftermath. The house is too quiet and there is no glitter to clean up.

But instead of letting the sadness residue stick around for days I decided to use the whole ‘dress happy, be happy’ trick. The way it works is, you get what you see. So wear what you want and be who you want but I dare you to be unhappy wearing a tutu with shoes full of glitter. Just trust me on this, it could replace prozac.

And if that doesn’t work there’s always cutting.

This Is My Happy Place:

Space Camp

November 21, 2012 § Leave a comment

Anyone who knows me knows that I’ve been dorkin’ it up about space shit since forever. Borderline obsessed – ya know cool kid stuff.

This one time at space camp…oh I’m sorry, am I boring you? Whatever its fine. Bet you didn’t know that Guy Richie, Megan Fox and Abraham Lincoln went to space camp.*

I will say, that through my experience I learned a very important lesson – not everyone’s heart gets warm when talking about space. In fact very few people are as impressed as I am. It’s something that took me a while to fully understand and also, saved me money on birth control.

So to those people out there, let’s agree to disagree and I’ll respect that. Unless you watch The Big Bang Theory, in that case I take back what I said about respect.

Your Mama’s An Astronaut:

*Not true

Let It Kill You

November 20, 2012 § Leave a comment

My dear,

Find what you love and let it kill you.
Let it drain you of your all. Let it cling onto your back and weigh
you down into eventual nothingness.
Let it kill you and let it devour your remains.
For all things will kill you, both slowly and fastly, but it’s much
better to be killed by a lover.

— Charles Bukowski

“You have to die a few times before you can really live.”


I Found Your Stash

November 19, 2012 § Leave a comment

I have a lot of shit but not a lot of space, which is why I appreciate clever space saving designs.

Stash Yo’ Shit:

Apparently this Bibliochase can hold up to 300 books, very impressive

This shelf looks like its made from a solid piece of wood, but inside is a secret drawer that can be opened with a magnetic key. That just blew my mind.

Iphone/wallet sized shelf

Comic Shelf

I would consider replacing my unicorn bank for this

This furniture can be stacked or used as 8 separate pieces

Love, these ideas for my non-existent bike. (I’m working on it)

Where Am I?

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